im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
