Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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