I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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