Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
