I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
