Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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