Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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