Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
