Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Are we still banned from the library?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dear god my vagina.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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