Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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