Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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