dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
