Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
