Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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