he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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