i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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