I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
