operation harelip BJ is a go
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
