Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
