I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
