ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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