there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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