chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize