Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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