She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize