I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
