I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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