Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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