Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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