i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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