our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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