just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
