The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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