First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
40s are totally the cure
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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