Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
