hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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