1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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