is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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