Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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