I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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