Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
