Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
