i permit you to call me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
3 2 1 whiskey
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
