those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Drunk is not a location!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize