you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize