I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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