Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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