Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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