what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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