You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
