I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
