I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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