You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
