Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
