i don't like sucking hair
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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