so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize