Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
