i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you didnt know i had herpes?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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