I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
