hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
