if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
