I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
