please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
