there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
