i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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