I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
